What NOT To Do If You Have ADHD
In my last post, I talked about what NOT to do to prepare for the holidays if you have ADHD. One of my readers responded that it was refreshing to read a list of what NOT to do instead of what TO do, because she, as most of us, are overwhelmed with all the things we need to do but find hard to accomplish. That ADHD just keeps getting in the way.
So to expand on the idea of what NOT to do, in general, here is my list.
What NOT To Do If You Have ADHD
1. Do not compare your house, your family or yourself with anyone else. Of course, that’s something everyone should follow. But for those of us with ADHD, it’s too easy to feel our shortcomings by comparing ourselves with others.
2. Do not feel badly about “messing up.” Accept that our lives will be more challenging in general. Those without ADHD typically aren’t on high alert, worrying about getting to places on time, remembering names, meal preparation, having challenging children, etc. Give yourselves a break and relax a bit.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
4. Do not get stuck in a bad job, marriage, toxic friendship, etc.
5. Do not blame your ADHD for all of your personal shortcomings. ADD is an explanation; not an excuse.
6. Do not stick with your current meds, therapist or doctors if they aren’t helping you. It can take quite a long time to find the right med/combo. Don’t give up!
7. Do not let your children wear white.
8. Do not forget about your own needs. You work so hard, harder than most, to get through a normal day. Allow plenty of down time, trips away from the kids, and whatever else it takes to replenish and renew.
9. Do not try to be someone without ADHD. You will battle disorganization, time management challenges, clutter, and more. As Sari Solden wonderfully states, “embrace your ADHD.”
10. Do not shop at the mall the week of Christmas. You are asking to fry all of your senses. Instead, do your shopping online.
Ok, who can add to the list?
Comment
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Comment by Amy on December 16, 2009 at 6:24am -
11. Do NOT say "YES" to every invitation. Overscheduling is overwhelming.
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Comment by Lovemypirates1121 on December 10, 2009 at 1:46pm -
I did soooo poorly in school because I was too shy and insecure about approaching a teacher/professor for help when I didn't understand something.
I found I did really well with teachers who were very approachable, as I had a really great anatomy & physiology professor in college. He insisted we call him by his nickname instead of Prof. C***, which helped, plus he was funny and to be honest, he was cute. LOL. But I had no problem going to him when I had a question.
But my chem professor intimidated the hell out of me and I couldn't bring myself to ask him for help with writing lab reports cause I was SO sure he'd think I was really stupid.
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Comment by Vanessa Delgado on December 10, 2009 at 1:37pm -
#3- has been one of the hardest things for me... I felt and have now come to terms with it. But i felt like people would think lesser of me if I asked for help. Always been the over achiever, had to work harder then most but always was top of my class, The biggest challenge has been at work...taking on too much and then feeling overwhelmed ...so i ask for help now. and avoiding over loading on work.
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Comment by betsy davenport, phd on December 10, 2009 at 11:54am -
Do Not think you are ever going to have clean clothes put away and ready to wear. I am more the wash-it-when-you-need-it type, or the wash-it-and-dry-it-and-leave-it-in-the-basket type of person. I did pretty much yield to that as a way of doing things that is less than optimal but eminently realistic.
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Comment by mmm on December 10, 2009 at 9:56am -
I have another one I'd like to add to the list. We don't have to aspire to the same goals or want the same things as non-ADD'ers.
It sounds almost too simple to be true, doesn't it? It came out of a conversation I had a couple of years ago with my ADD Coach. I was complaining about the fact that I didn't really want to own a house (I'm a single mom with ADD and 2 kids - one with ADD and the other likely but she's only 5) and that I didn't think I was actually capable of being a soccer mom or den mother or organizing the book drive at my kids school. He said, "You don't HAVE TO WANT to do those things. You don't have to have the same goals as other people and you should stop beating yourself up for it."
Wow, that was really liberating for me. Who knew it was okay to just do the best you can and only take on the challenges that you think you can actually handle. It was the BEST advice I ever received.
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Comment by Lovemypirates1121 on December 10, 2009 at 9:29am
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Oh I'm guilty of the computer thing too, mmm. Especially since I keep in touch with my best friends mostly via e-mail or yahoo IM. Or I'm checking Facebook, or e-mail, or a forum I visit, or e-mail, or looking here....and e-mail. LOL.
And oh man, Terry I WISH I could obey that last one this year, but unfortunately because of the timing of our move, and when we'll have the money for Christmas shopping, we have no choice but to do our shopping those days. I'm just cringing to think of it!
I don't hate shopping, but we've been to the mall during its busiest hours before, when my youngest was a tiny baby. I didn't bring the stroller or snugli (stupid me) so I was carrying him as my husband took FOREVER to pick gifts. Meanwhile, I'm hot and cranky, my 10 lb baby is starting to whine and feel like he's 40lbs and when we got out of there, I swore I'd NEVER do that again.
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Comment by Corinnecmcc on December 10, 2009 at 2:53am -
I completely agree with mmm. Here it is 2:52 a.m. and look what I'm doing. Finding new and wonderful ADD resources. And I think the teenage kids are still up and the puppy needs her last potty break of the night. Laptops make this computer thing even harder to beat. Sigh.
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Comment by Lovemypirates1121 on December 9, 2009 at 5:02pm
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One of my best friends, a fellow Johnny Depp lover, sent me a link to an article about him, calling my attention to the last line of it, where it had a quote by the man himself. I love it and put it up on my Facebook page, as they are truly words to live by! For anyone really, but sometimes for us with ADD, it can be hard to not want to try and fit in.
"I don't think I have any enemies, really," Depp said. "The scariest enemy is within, allowing yourself to conform to what is expected of you."
As for your list, Terry, I'll admit to #3, being afraid to ask for help in the past, and #4, staying in bad jobs or toxic friendships/family relationships. Life's to short to allow yourself to be treated poorly by those who are supposed to be a comfort to you.
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Comment by Leigh Schwarz on December 9, 2009 at 1:31pm -
11. Beg, borrow or steal your way out of this years cookie exchange! Better yet, find a good bakery LOL! The prospect of baking 7 dozen cookies sends my heart a flutter (in a panicky way, not the good way). Tee hee hee.
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Comment by Sherra Scott on December 9, 2009 at 9:27am
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I love #7 - except I usually say I am not allowed to wear white! I have always been horrible with light colored clothes. So, other than the t-shirts I wear around the house, I don't believe I own a single white shirt that I wear out in public!
As for #1. I try really hard not to do that, however, my husband is a complete neat freak and 95% of our arguments are about housework. I've always known I was "domestically challenged" and have never tried to hide that fact. I can deal with clutter (not "dirt" but clutter) but my husband can't. He's very much the "organized and everything has to be in it's place - clean as you go" type. I can barely get through cooking a meal that you don't cook in a single pot, let alone "clean as I go"!
I've suspected for YEARS (OK, decades), that I had ADHD, but was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago by my psychologist & put on Adderall last week by my regular doc. So I'm still coming to complete terms with the diagnosis and spending WAY too much time Googling anything & everything about ADHD in adults & gifted children (I highly suspect my 8 year old is also ADHD and will be having her tested soon).
Well, I guess I've gone off topic far enough! Happy Holidays to all no matter what holiday you celebrate. And if you don't celebrate a holiday this time of year, well, I am wishing you just general happiness! :)
© 2012 Created by Terry Matlen.
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