Late Diagnosis Guilt

Comment

Comment by Merry on January 21, 2010 at 3:06pm

Thanks Debbie
You've no idea how good it was to read your mail. I've definitely got something to smile about as, you are right, those positive ADHD traits, make for a wonderful person - and my son is. Its strange that when you balance out the whole pros and cons of ADHD there's so many more positives but the negatives have such a huge impact.
Your comment about the self esteem issue also rings very true and its hard to know how to help address years of being treated badly and differently at school and by your peers. There are quite a few counselling services near here but I can't help thinking that they 'wouldn't get' the way we come across - the quick thought processes, the out of the box thinking, the natural defences etc.
I take on board completely what you say about it taking time - its so normal to want a quick fix - but lifes all about the growing up isn't it!! I'm still doing it!
Hope all continues well for you and yours. And thanks so much for your post.
x

Comment by Debbie on January 21, 2010 at 3:33am

oh Merry,
it is so painful to think that we have caused pain for our children! My daughter was not diagnosed until age 13. And not before she ran away from home, started with drugs & alcohol, etc. We sent her off to a rehab facility, b/c we thought she was not safe at home with us. Even after close to a year there, it was never impressed upon me that ADHD was the root cause of her behaviors! As I started educating myself and the real impact of living with ADHD became clearer to me, I cried buckets for what my daughter must have gone through, self esteem wise. And what did we do?? we sent her off to rehab, like she was truly acting willfully. But now she is 24, and working hard at growing up. The pain of those early undiagnosed years & the guilt I felt once I understood fully how ADHD can affect a life does fade with time. Through learning about my daughters ADHD, I came to realize I, too, have ADHD. It is hard. What makes it really hard, IMHO, is that if you do not have ADHD personally, it is difficult to understand the behaviors it causes. What I love most about my daughter is that she is so "out of the box" creative, smart, funny and very sensitive to others who are seen by our society as "different". Don't be hard on yourself, and do forgive- children are pretty resilient. And don't look for quick changes- it takes a long time to adjust a self image that has taken a beating for 14 years! Good luck to you. Find something to smile about every day.