Guilty Vacations
I just returned from our little lake house in Canada where we spent a long 4th of July weekend. The water, sky, trees worked its magic and I fell into a state of…well…a good state of inattention. I didn’t have to focus on anything. The hours bled into each other, with no particular plans needing to be made. Dinners are always out, so there was no need to fret about meal planning. The kids were happy. Hubby was content doing what we call “Garage Putzing”, meaning…juggling all kinds of projects he loves to do in his little boathouse and garage.
As for me, I was absolutely happy staring out at the sky and water, watching as the blues leaked into the greens, which dripped into reds as the day aged into evening.
Still, a lingering feeling kept stabbing at me. It’s a feeling I get whenever I’m on vacation or other break from routine. The nagging thought that I *should* be doing something productive.
I’m not sure if those without ADHD feel this way, but walking down the beach, I saw plenty of people just relaxing happily on the sand, in the water and on lawn chairs. Or running blissfully with their dogs. Or playing long games of Frisbee and badminton. Why then, was I feeling pulled into doing…something?
I wonder if those of us with ADHD are so used to obsessing and worrying about the things we ought to be doing, that we can’t fully shut off the “on” button. I finally rid myself of this gnawing feeling of being lazy and useless by scrubbing down our wooden swing that had collected a few years’ worth of slimy green algae. I broke out in a sweat, felt my muscles being pulled in all directions, and when I was done, felt proud of my achievement. But at what price?
Am I the only one that feels periodically guilty while on vacation? Who feels pulled and swayed into the “ought to’s”, instead of allowing myself to truly relax and enjoy the freedom of daily responsibilities?
As for me, I was absolutely happy staring out at the sky and water, watching as the blues leaked into the greens, which dripped into reds as the day aged into evening.
Still, a lingering feeling kept stabbing at me. It’s a feeling I get whenever I’m on vacation or other break from routine. The nagging thought that I *should* be doing something productive.
I’m not sure if those without ADHD feel this way, but walking down the beach, I saw plenty of people just relaxing happily on the sand, in the water and on lawn chairs. Or running blissfully with their dogs. Or playing long games of Frisbee and badminton. Why then, was I feeling pulled into doing…something?
I wonder if those of us with ADHD are so used to obsessing and worrying about the things we ought to be doing, that we can’t fully shut off the “on” button. I finally rid myself of this gnawing feeling of being lazy and useless by scrubbing down our wooden swing that had collected a few years’ worth of slimy green algae. I broke out in a sweat, felt my muscles being pulled in all directions, and when I was done, felt proud of my achievement. But at what price?
Am I the only one that feels periodically guilty while on vacation? Who feels pulled and swayed into the “ought to’s”, instead of allowing myself to truly relax and enjoy the freedom of daily responsibilities?
Comment
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Comment by Terry Matlen on July 18, 2009 at 1:03am -
istherehope,
I think we have to change our expectations of ourselves. It simply takes more out of us to accomplish things. So we have to accept that we may not be as "productive" as the next person. However, if you think you're really falling behind and it's affecting your life in a really negative way, you might want to consider working with an ADD coach.
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Comment by Terry Matlen on July 18, 2009 at 1:01am
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teachkids,
Yes- that's exactly it! Ladies, we need to allow ourselves to be happy doing nothing, or things we enjoy and just let those chores/projects go. Vacation is not a 4 letter word! : )
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Comment by istherehope on July 16, 2009 at 8:29am -
I always feel like I SHOULD be doing something, but somehow, I cab go through a whole day without accomplishing much - lol! I've been in therapy and am on medication that helps but it's a constant struggle. I'm constantly "talking" to myself asking - "ok, what should i do next?" I'm happy at the end of the day if there is some clean laundry for my kids and there is some form of food for dinner!
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Comment by teachkkids on July 15, 2009 at 6:23pm -
Oh my gosh...This is so me right now. I teach and in summer when I am on vacation my ADD runs rampant. I am not on a schedule and I cannot get anything done. I feel like I cannot enjoy down time because I feel like I should be "doing" something. I
I will lay in the pool on a raft and not be able to relax because I will start thinking I need to mow or clean off the deck etc. I will start to do an exercise tape and notice I need to dust or sweep. I drive myself CRAZY!!!
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Comment by Terry Matlen on July 13, 2009 at 6:21pm
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Good question, Marie. My guess is it could be a combo.
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Comment by marie terranova on July 13, 2009 at 3:19pm -
WOW I was just lamenting about why I cannot rest without feeling like I am wasting time or disappointing someone etc. Wondering if it is an "Italian Catholic" thing (really do love my heritage and faith), temperment, ADD or abit of all.
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Comment by Lovemypirates1121 on July 7, 2009 at 12:23pm -
LOL Actually I'm inattentive and often feel very lazy, but once I get on a cleaning kick it tends to last at least a week or a few hours and I'm often afraid to sit down because I know once I lose my momentum, I won't be able to get back into the swing of things! LOL!
But then I sit down and I see all the stuff piling up and I feel guilty and can't sit down and enjoy myself or allow myself to fully relax because I see all this stuff that should be getting done.
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Comment by Terry Matlen on July 7, 2009 at 10:32am
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I'm guessing, too that the hyperactive subtypes might handle this differently than the inattentives. I'm guessing you're hyperactive. : ) I NEVER get into a cleaning mania. It's always bits and pieces with a tremendous amount of energy involved just to get started. : )
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Comment by Lovemypirates1121 on July 7, 2009 at 8:53am
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No, you're not the only one, and I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one! LOL!! I've tried coming up with stuff to do just so I could feel productive.
LOL. One of my friends told me in the midst of a cleaning mania (because I wouldn't allow myself to relax and take it easy) that if she'd lived closer, she would have come over and forced me to sit down and relax! LOL!!
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