Telling The Kids About Mom's ADHD?
My kids are in elementary school. I've become hyper aware of when they say things like "Mom, you aren't paying attention" or "Don't distract mommy while she's cooking." I have a whole host of issues about feeling guilty for being short tempered and all that stuff and I'll work that through in therapy :) . But I'm wondering if any of you have told your young-ish kids about ADHD?
Part of me wants to tell the older one (who is the more perceptive and has noticed I have special medicine and that I need time to unwind after work) a bit but then I think - would it burden her? Especially since I was just diagnosed this year and since I have no idea if they have it...and don't really have a handle on how it impacts everyone going forward.
Does that make sense? I am wondering if it is harmful or helpful to talk about it in an age appropriate way? Especially since I am transitioning to being home after school and will need the kids to work with me... Thanks for any advice/thoughts!
Part of me wants to tell the older one (who is the more perceptive and has noticed I have special medicine and that I need time to unwind after work) a bit but then I think - would it burden her? Especially since I was just diagnosed this year and since I have no idea if they have it...and don't really have a handle on how it impacts everyone going forward.
Does that make sense? I am wondering if it is harmful or helpful to talk about it in an age appropriate way? Especially since I am transitioning to being home after school and will need the kids to work with me... Thanks for any advice/thoughts!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jen on -
Hi,
I remember seeing a discussion about this awhile back; I'll see if I can get the link for you. This is such a tough situation & it's hard to know what to do. Granted my kids are younger (3 & 18months) but I vote for full disclosure. I think once they see you handling it and working to improve, they'll understand, and if they receive the same diagnosis in the future, seeing you be honest about it will help them handle their own treatment better.
My issues have come up more when i'm taking my medicine. my oldest always asks about it. AND, there are more occasions than I care to count where he's asked for something to drink in the bedroom & by the time I get to the kitchen I've completely moved on to something else & forgotten. So, I've just been really honest, "Honey, mom has a REALLY hard time remembering sometimes, so it's okay to remind me. You're very important to me and I love you SO much. This is just something I struggle with. Just tell me again when I forget something & I'll try harder to remember." Oh, and as far as the medicine goes, i just tell them it helps me pay attention and remember better.
Like I said, it's easier when they're younger, but I grew up in a family where LOTS of things were not discussed, and I've always been the kind of person who senses others' emotions, so I could always tell when something wasn't right or when my parents weren't being honest with me. I vowed to myself that I would NOT do this with my kids. I think if you tell them things in a way they can understand, that's the best route to take.
Good luck!
Jen
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Permalink Reply by Jen on
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Here's the link to an older post on this subject. Maybe some of this will help.
http://www.momswithadd.com/forum/topics/telling-your-kids-over-10-you
Jen said:Hi,
I remember seeing a discussion about this awhile back; I'll see if I can get the link for you. This is such a tough situation & it's hard to know what to do. Granted my kids are younger (3 & 18months) but I vote for full disclosure. I think once they see you handling it and working to improve, they'll understand, and if they receive the same diagnosis in the future, seeing you be honest about it will help them handle their own treatment better.
My issues have come up more when i'm taking my medicine. my oldest always asks about it. AND, there are more occasions than I care to count where he's asked for something to drink in the bedroom & by the time I get to the kitchen I've completely moved on to something else & forgotten. So, I've just been really honest, "Honey, mom has a REALLY hard time remembering sometimes, so it's okay to remind me. You're very important to me and I love you SO much. This is just something I struggle with. Just tell me again when I forget something & I'll try harder to remember." Oh, and as far as the medicine goes, i just tell them it helps me pay attention and remember better.
Like I said, it's easier when they're younger, but I grew up in a family where LOTS of things were not discussed, and I've always been the kind of person who senses others' emotions, so I could always tell when something wasn't right or when my parents weren't being honest with me. I vowed to myself that I would NOT do this with my kids. I think if you tell them things in a way they can understand, that's the best route to take.
Good luck!
Jen
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Permalink Reply by Bloody Mary Mom on -
That is really helpful. I tend to be on the side of openness myself. Especially, as the third response points out, that they need to know that I don't forget things because I don't care about them, but because it is a struggle for me. And never mind the whole potential chance that they have it too...I would hate for them to think it's a terrible thing.
I suppose it will come up naturally sooner or later...
Thanks for finding that too!
Jen said:Here's the link to an older post on this subject. Maybe some of this will help.
http://www.momswithadd.com/forum/topics/telling-your-kids-over-10-you
Jen said:Hi,
I remember seeing a discussion about this awhile back; I'll see if I can get the link for you. This is such a tough situation & it's hard to know what to do. Granted my kids are younger (3 & 18months) but I vote for full disclosure. I think once they see you handling it and working to improve, they'll understand, and if they receive the same diagnosis in the future, seeing you be honest about it will help them handle their own treatment better.
My issues have come up more when i'm taking my medicine. my oldest always asks about it. AND, there are more occasions than I care to count where he's asked for something to drink in the bedroom & by the time I get to the kitchen I've completely moved on to something else & forgotten. So, I've just been really honest, "Honey, mom has a REALLY hard time remembering sometimes, so it's okay to remind me. You're very important to me and I love you SO much. This is just something I struggle with. Just tell me again when I forget something & I'll try harder to remember." Oh, and as far as the medicine goes, i just tell them it helps me pay attention and remember better.
Like I said, it's easier when they're younger, but I grew up in a family where LOTS of things were not discussed, and I've always been the kind of person who senses others' emotions, so I could always tell when something wasn't right or when my parents weren't being honest with me. I vowed to myself that I would NOT do this with my kids. I think if you tell them things in a way they can understand, that's the best route to take.
Good luck!
Jen
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Permalink Reply by Sarah Christine Gogstetter on -
I am not a mom, but I used to be a kid. Also I have babysat kids with ADHD and I find telling them about mines, puts them at ease. Kids can cope with having a parent with challenges, it doesn't burden them to tell them what is going on. Actually, by being open and transparent with your kids, you are in a great position to act as a role model. By being a role model, you demonstrate how to successfully overcome your challenges. These principles will help them later on when faced with challenges, whether or not they also have ADHD too.
People with a myriad of physical and mental challenges also have children. The Deaf, the blind, the wheelchair bound, and little people become parents too. Their kids are usually well adjusted kids and they grow up to be productive, enlightened adults. Your ADHD symptoms make your ADHD visible, you might as well share your kids about it.
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