Kids, Parents, Schools and ADHD
Ok, so as I learn about my own Inattentive ADHD and not only going through the medication adjustment thing, but I am also trying to figure this out for my girls. (We are having the 6 year old evaluated on October 6, there is just no way she ISN'T).
I understand how much our schools are overwhelmed. My mom was a teacher for 36 years and still subs. She was one of the few teachers who would take handicapped, EBD and special needs children in her classroom when they became "mainstreamed" with their peers. What I am having a hard time with is one, why are 504/IEP processes so lengthy to do? I understand there are legal issues, but it seems like we are at a crawl. Two, why don't school try working with the parent as opposed to acting like drill sargents or critizing the parent? (The second is happening to a friend of mine with their child, not myself). If we all looked at partnering together to help the child gain better coping skills and avoid what we went through with so many years of not knowing what was wrong with us, wouldn't it go smoother?
Not sure if this is a question or a rant, but thank you!
I understand how much our schools are overwhelmed. My mom was a teacher for 36 years and still subs. She was one of the few teachers who would take handicapped, EBD and special needs children in her classroom when they became "mainstreamed" with their peers. What I am having a hard time with is one, why are 504/IEP processes so lengthy to do? I understand there are legal issues, but it seems like we are at a crawl. Two, why don't school try working with the parent as opposed to acting like drill sargents or critizing the parent? (The second is happening to a friend of mine with their child, not myself). If we all looked at partnering together to help the child gain better coping skills and avoid what we went through with so many years of not knowing what was wrong with us, wouldn't it go smoother?
Not sure if this is a question or a rant, but thank you!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lisa Lisa on -
I could not agree more!!! As a parent of two children with ADHD, I am sick of being constantly critized!! If we feel like that, imagine what our poor kids must be feeling!! Everything is such a battle, and it gets exhausting!! We just have to keep in mind that our kids are worth the fight!! It sure would be refreshing to partner together with the schools instead of fight! Luckily, I found a great private school for one of my sons who have bent over backwards for my child without having to bring Supreme Court case law or advocates into the school with me! They just want what is best for the kids and feel it is in the best interest of the kids to work with the parents. How refreshing!!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Amy B on -
Alyssa,
I am sorry you aren’t feeling any support from your school. As a special education teacher myself there are so many questions I would end up asking you, I am sure, if we spoke in person. But in listening to your post I think you have so much going on between your diagnosis and new awareness not to mention attending to your daughter’s needs that the “system” of education, political, legal, and institutional, can be daunting, frustrating and feel impersonal. Luckily, not all of us in this system conform. :-) I also want you to know that both my daughter (12) and I have been diagnosed with ADHD in the last 2 years. She was diagnosed 1st, and then I had one of those “ah-ha” moments. So my views come from all angles: seeing it as a teacher, as a parent, and as someone who somehow made it unmedicated for 38 years (and I look at my childhood report cards and think well “duh!”)
It is disappointing that you and your friend don’t feel like partners or a part of a team with your school(s). The whole point of the IEP process is to create a team so you as a parent feel involved, and so that more that one person is looking at your children’s’ strengths and weaknesses so that the team (including you, the parents, and the child as appropriate) can:
• Determine if an IEP or if a 504 is more appropriate
• If determine appropriate, then the IEP team would work TOGETHER to determine services that may be needed such as speech or counseling, etc.
• Decide how much time in the school day would be dedicated to these services and where the services will take place as a part of deciding what type of classroom -
• Decide the least restrictive environment (which classroom environment would be best to reach her goals: inclusive/mainstreamed, a combo of a resource setting to boost skills and a general education classroom, or a classroom specifically designed for a specified disabilities, or even more restrictive if necessary)
• Develop goals – where is she now, where do we want to see her in a year, how will she get there
• Determine what accommodations (such as sitting in the front, using a place mark, shortening assignments, or sitting next to a peer that can be helpful) / modifications (changes to the curriculum such as a lower reading level, changing how a test is given, or how an assignment can be completed).
As a parent I would insist on being a part of that whole process even if the school thinks you “difficult.” And get an advocate (someone familiar with the process and knows your child). As a parent you have “rights” in this area and they are protected by federal law. I would start with researching your state’s resources. I believe you’re in MN, this link may be very helpful: http://education.state.mn.us/MDE/Learning_Support/Special_Education...
Now to address some of your other questions – why does it take do long to determine eligibility? This is more than just a legal issue on the part of the school. I, as a teacher, am cautious about just evaluating and labeling a child, especially a 6 year old. Many of the same accommodations and services can be provided as a part of “interventions” or supports in the classroom without the “label.” If you are in the process of obtaining treatment for your daughter, maybe even considering medication – from parent to parent, I would hold off on pushing for the label or special education placement. Some children change dramatically with comprehensive treatment, improving attention and focus so much that it really improves performance in the classroom. As a special education teacher, I also was blessed with having the opportunity to provide intervention services at the k-2nd grade level. Providing intervention services for many children who struggled with various academic skills prevented most of these students from requiring evaluation and placement in special education. If fact, many went on to be top students by the upper elementary grades. Also, with ADHD, there is not a label as defined in IDEA (the law) that qualifies a student for special education. So to place a student in special education for behaviors related ADHD, the school is REQUIRED to obtain a diagnosis of ADHD from a medical doctor. This diagnosis allows the school to place a child in special education under the OTHER HEALTH IMPAIRED or ED label. If a school is looking at a specific learning disability the IDEA (law) now REQUIRES the school to provide interventions and prove a lack of improvement with these interventions over time – so placing a 6 year old would be difficult to justify unless the student couldn’t even identify the letters of the alphabet or numbers. If I could prevent a special education label, and provide interventions 1st, and accommodate with a 504 – I would choose that before jumping into a special education. So a school may be waiting for a diagnosis, using interventions, observations, and accommodations 1st to see how your daughter responds before jumping into the legal IEP process for more reasons than may be obvious to you.
However, once you have signed the permission to evaluate for a disability such as a Specific Learning Disability, the school has 60 calendar days to complete the evaluation process and have a meeting with you reviewing the results that determine if your daughter does or does not qualify for special educations (this determination looks at the evaluation results and the criteria the law defines).
A quick comment on a 504: The 504 process should not be so long. However, this process does REQUIRE a diagnosis from a medical doctor as a 504 is a law providing for accommodations in a school or workplace to those with a disability. But once a disability is identified and it is determined accommodations are necessary, the 504 is as simple as, indentifying those accommodations your daughter could benefit from in the classroom and writing them down. A 504 is not special education, it is a statement of accommodations based on a medically diagnosed disability. The medical diagnosis that determines the use of a 504 plan should be updated annually and I would recommend initiating annual meetings for the 504 plan to make sure the accommodations are still effective and appropriate for your child.
As for the issue of the school acting as drill sergeants and criticizing parents – that is quite unfortunate. Teachers and administrators are people, who like most, usually stand in a situation looking at it from only their view point, forgetting that the parents and families have another view. That other view is different from family to family based on traditions, time, availability of resources, and the list could go on. I know my views changed some when I went from being a stay-at-home mom, to a single working mom juggling 2 jobs and school. If a teacher is young, unmarried, and without children, they cannot fathom anything else – only imagine based on their view of their upbringing. I know I spent evenings frustrated with one of my older daughter’s teacher is 6th grade, and she was a colleague. Then during one meeting at the end of the school year, she made a comment that made me realize that she couldn’t even imagine my situation or my daughter’s because she really had no background in ADHD. So that is when I bought her a book on girls with ADHD. It may not have helped my situation with my daughter as it was the end of the school year, but if that little info could help that teacher with future students, it was worth it.
So now I have been wordy, but I wanted to make sure my answers were complete and clear and hopefully helpful.
Good luck in your journey with your daughter.
Amy
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Permalink Reply by Alyssa The Otter One on -
Thank you! I get the issues teachers face. Luckily, the issues aren't quite so hard for us, and we are going though the 504 process with the Social Worker from school attending conferences next week.
I guess my frustration is more empathy for my best friend, who as a single dad with an ADHD and developmentally delayed son. I don't know if it is because he is a single dad, or just unique situations he and his son deal with, but when I happen to see an email from one of his son's teachers, it seems more like they are giving directives rather than offering partnership or suggestions....
Amy B said:Alyssa,
I am sorry you aren’t feeling any support from your school. As a special education teacher myself there are so many questions I would end up asking you, I am sure, if we spoke in person. But in listening to your post I think you have so much going on between your diagnosis and new awareness not to mention attending to your daughter’s needs that the “system” of education, political, legal, and institutional, can be daunting, frustrating and feel impersonal. Luckily, not all of us in this system conform. :-) I also want you to know that both my daughter (12) and I have been diagnosed with ADHD in the last 2 years. She was diagnosed 1st, and then I had one of those “ah-ha” moments. So my views come from all angles: seeing it as a teacher, as a parent, and as someone who somehow made it unmedicated for 38 years (and I look at my childhood report cards and think well “duh!”)
It is disappointing that you and your friend don’t feel like partners or a part of a team with your school(s). The whole point of the IEP process is to create a team so you as a parent feel involved, and so that more that one person is looking at your children’s’ strengths and weaknesses so that the team (including you, the parents, and the child as appropriate) can:
• Determine if an IEP or if a 504 is more appropriate
• If determine appropriate, then the IEP team would work TOGETHER to determine services that may be needed such as speech or counseling, etc.
• Decide how much time in the school day would be dedicated to these services and where the services will take place as a part of deciding what type of classroom -
• Decide the least restrictive environment (which classroom environment would be best to reach her goals: inclusive/mainstreamed, a combo of a resource setting to boost skills and a general education classroom, or a classroom specifically designed for a specified disabilities, or even more restrictive if necessary)
• Develop goals – where is she now, where do we want to see her in a year, how will she get there
• Determine what accommodations (such as sitting in the front, using a place mark, shortening assignments, or sitting next to a peer that can be helpful) / modifications (changes to the curriculum such as a lower reading level, changing how a test is given, or how an assignment can be completed).
As a parent I would insist on being a part of that whole process even if the school thinks you “difficult.” And get an advocate (someone familiar with the process and knows your child). As a parent you have “rights” in this area and they are protected by federal law. I would start with researching your state’s resources. I believe you’re in MN, this link may be very helpful: http://education.state.mn.us/MDE/Learning_Support/Special_Education...
Now to address some of your other questions – why does it take do long to determine eligibility? This is more than just a legal issue on the part of the school. I, as a teacher, am cautious about just evaluating and labeling a child, especially a 6 year old. Many of the same accommodations and services can be provided as a part of “interventions” or supports in the classroom without the “label.” If you are in the process of obtaining treatment for your daughter, maybe even considering medication – from parent to parent, I would hold off on pushing for the label or special education placement. Some children change dramatically with comprehensive treatment, improving attention and focus so much that it really improves performance in the classroom. As a special education teacher, I also was blessed with having the opportunity to provide intervention services at the k-2nd grade level. Providing intervention services for many children who struggled with various academic skills prevented most of these students from requiring evaluation and placement in special education. If fact, many went on to be top students by the upper elementary grades. Also, with ADHD, there is not a label as defined in IDEA (the law) that qualifies a student for special education. So to place a student in special education for behaviors related ADHD, the school is REQUIRED to obtain a diagnosis of ADHD from a medical doctor. This diagnosis allows the school to place a child in special education under the OTHER HEALTH IMPAIRED or ED label. If a school is looking at a specific learning disability the IDEA (law) now REQUIRES the school to provide interventions and prove a lack of improvement with these interventions over time – so placing a 6 year old would be difficult to justify unless the student couldn’t even identify the letters of the alphabet or numbers. If I could prevent a special education label, and provide interventions 1st, and accommodate with a 504 – I would choose that before jumping into a special education. So a school may be waiting for a diagnosis, using interventions, observations, and accommodations 1st to see how your daughter responds before jumping into the legal IEP process for more reasons than may be obvious to you.
However, once you have signed the permission to evaluate for a disability such as a Specific Learning Disability, the school has 60 calendar days to complete the evaluation process and have a meeting with you reviewing the results that determine if your daughter does or does not qualify for special educations (this determination looks at the evaluation results and the criteria the law defines).
A quick comment on a 504: The 504 process should not be so long. However, this process does REQUIRE a diagnosis from a medical doctor as a 504 is a law providing for accommodations in a school or workplace to those with a disability. But once a disability is identified and it is determined accommodations are necessary, the 504 is as simple as, indentifying those accommodations your daughter could benefit from in the classroom and writing them down. A 504 is not special education, it is a statement of accommodations based on a medically diagnosed disability. The medical diagnosis that determines the use of a 504 plan should be updated annually and I would recommend initiating annual meetings for the 504 plan to make sure the accommodations are still effective and appropriate for your child.
As for the issue of the school acting as drill sergeants and criticizing parents – that is quite unfortunate. Teachers and administrators are people, who like most, usually stand in a situation looking at it from only their view point, forgetting that the parents and families have another view. That other view is different from family to family based on traditions, time, availability of resources, and the list could go on. I know my views changed some when I went from being a stay-at-home mom, to a single working mom juggling 2 jobs and school. If a teacher is young, unmarried, and without children, they cannot fathom anything else – only imagine based on their view of their upbringing. I know I spent evenings frustrated with one of my older daughter’s teacher is 6th grade, and she was a colleague. Then during one meeting at the end of the school year, she made a comment that made me realize that she couldn’t even imagine my situation or my daughter’s because she really had no background in ADHD. So that is when I bought her a book on girls with ADHD. It may not have helped my situation with my daughter as it was the end of the school year, but if that little info could help that teacher with future students, it was worth it.
So now I have been wordy, but I wanted to make sure my answers were complete and clear and hopefully helpful.
Good luck in your journey with your daughter.
Amy
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Permalink Reply by Mary Therese on -
I have one child who does well in school and his teachers look at me like I am the genius mother of the year. With my adhd daughter who is having accedemic issues the teachers look at me like I am not doing my mother job, crazy, and over protective. My goal is just my children through school with their self esteem intact so they can start their adult lives on their terms, the way it works for them, and be happy and productive. Not a fan of the schools right now....can you tell. I have a 9 year old with a stomach ache today because MEAP testing is tomorrow and she hates it---hard to concentrate. My husband and I told her we do not care for that test and it is not a graded test for her, and not to worry. Truthfully if she put her pencil down and refused to do the darn thing I would be fine with that.
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Permalink Reply by Amy B on
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Alyssa,
About your friend....it is probably a little of all those things you listed. Single dad's come with their own stereotypes, then add his son's difficulties; the teachers probably don't even realize how he is perceiving the messages they are sending, and at the same time think they know better (I've listened to more than one conversation between teachers that left me cringing). Sad to say, but it may help him to take someone with him when he talks to the school....an advocate or even a friend. That support can help him hear the things he's missing when he's frustrated or confused, and it will also show the school he has support, when it is seems they think he either has none or is clueless. The CHADD organization has some good resources and parent training that can be extremely helpful - he could even do it on-line. He's lucky to have a friend like you providing him some support!
Amy
Alyssa The Otter One said:Thank you! I get the issues teachers face. Luckily, the issues aren't quite so hard for us, and we are going though the 504 process with the Social Worker from school attending conferences next week.
I guess my frustration is more empathy for my best friend, who as a single dad with an ADHD and developmentally delayed son. I don't know if it is because he is a single dad, or just unique situations he and his son deal with, but when I happen to see an email from one of his son's teachers, it seems more like they are giving directives rather than offering partnership or suggestions....
Amy B said:Alyssa,
I am sorry you aren’t feeling any support from your school. As a special education teacher myself there are so many questions I would end up asking you, I am sure, if we spoke in person. But in listening to your post I think you have so much going on between your diagnosis and new awareness not to mention attending to your daughter’s needs that the “system” of education, political, legal, and institutional, can be daunting, frustrating and feel impersonal. Luckily, not all of us in this system conform. :-) I also want you to know that both my daughter (12) and I have been diagnosed with ADHD in the last 2 years. She was diagnosed 1st, and then I had one of those “ah-ha” moments. So my views come from all angles: seeing it as a teacher, as a parent, and as someone who somehow made it unmedicated for 38 years (and I look at my childhood report cards and think well “duh!”)
It is disappointing that you and your friend don’t feel like partners or a part of a team with your school(s). The whole point of the IEP process is to create a team so you as a parent feel involved, and so that more that one person is looking at your children’s’ strengths and weaknesses so that the team (including you, the parents, and the child as appropriate) can:
• Determine if an IEP or if a 504 is more appropriate
• If determine appropriate, then the IEP team would work TOGETHER to determine services that may be needed such as speech or counseling, etc.
• Decide how much time in the school day would be dedicated to these services and where the services will take place as a part of deciding what type of classroom -
• Decide the least restrictive environment (which classroom environment would be best to reach her goals: inclusive/mainstreamed, a combo of a resource setting to boost skills and a general education classroom, or a classroom specifically designed for a specified disabilities, or even more restrictive if necessary)
• Develop goals – where is she now, where do we want to see her in a year, how will she get there
• Determine what accommodations (such as sitting in the front, using a place mark, shortening assignments, or sitting next to a peer that can be helpful) / modifications (changes to the curriculum such as a lower reading level, changing how a test is given, or how an assignment can be completed).
As a parent I would insist on being a part of that whole process even if the school thinks you “difficult.” And get an advocate (someone familiar with the process and knows your child). As a parent you have “rights” in this area and they are protected by federal law. I would start with researching your state’s resources. I believe you’re in MN, this link may be very helpful: http://education.state.mn.us/MDE/Learning_Support/Special_Education...
Now to address some of your other questions – why does it take do long to determine eligibility? This is more than just a legal issue on the part of the school. I, as a teacher, am cautious about just evaluating and labeling a child, especially a 6 year old. Many of the same accommodations and services can be provided as a part of “interventions” or supports in the classroom without the “label.” If you are in the process of obtaining treatment for your daughter, maybe even considering medication – from parent to parent, I would hold off on pushing for the label or special education placement. Some children change dramatically with comprehensive treatment, improving attention and focus so much that it really improves performance in the classroom. As a special education teacher, I also was blessed with having the opportunity to provide intervention services at the k-2nd grade level. Providing intervention services for many children who struggled with various academic skills prevented most of these students from requiring evaluation and placement in special education. If fact, many went on to be top students by the upper elementary grades. Also, with ADHD, there is not a label as defined in IDEA (the law) that qualifies a student for special education. So to place a student in special education for behaviors related ADHD, the school is REQUIRED to obtain a diagnosis of ADHD from a medical doctor. This diagnosis allows the school to place a child in special education under the OTHER HEALTH IMPAIRED or ED label. If a school is looking at a specific learning disability the IDEA (law) now REQUIRES the school to provide interventions and prove a lack of improvement with these interventions over time – so placing a 6 year old would be difficult to justify unless the student couldn’t even identify the letters of the alphabet or numbers. If I could prevent a special education label, and provide interventions 1st, and accommodate with a 504 – I would choose that before jumping into a special education. So a school may be waiting for a diagnosis, using interventions, observations, and accommodations 1st to see how your daughter responds before jumping into the legal IEP process for more reasons than may be obvious to you.
However, once you have signed the permission to evaluate for a disability such as a Specific Learning Disability, the school has 60 calendar days to complete the evaluation process and have a meeting with you reviewing the results that determine if your daughter does or does not qualify for special educations (this determination looks at the evaluation results and the criteria the law defines).
A quick comment on a 504: The 504 process should not be so long. However, this process does REQUIRE a diagnosis from a medical doctor as a 504 is a law providing for accommodations in a school or workplace to those with a disability. But once a disability is identified and it is determined accommodations are necessary, the 504 is as simple as, indentifying those accommodations your daughter could benefit from in the classroom and writing them down. A 504 is not special education, it is a statement of accommodations based on a medically diagnosed disability. The medical diagnosis that determines the use of a 504 plan should be updated annually and I would recommend initiating annual meetings for the 504 plan to make sure the accommodations are still effective and appropriate for your child.
As for the issue of the school acting as drill sergeants and criticizing parents – that is quite unfortunate. Teachers and administrators are people, who like most, usually stand in a situation looking at it from only their view point, forgetting that the parents and families have another view. That other view is different from family to family based on traditions, time, availability of resources, and the list could go on. I know my views changed some when I went from being a stay-at-home mom, to a single working mom juggling 2 jobs and school. If a teacher is young, unmarried, and without children, they cannot fathom anything else – only imagine based on their view of their upbringing. I know I spent evenings frustrated with one of my older daughter’s teacher is 6th grade, and she was a colleague. Then during one meeting at the end of the school year, she made a comment that made me realize that she couldn’t even imagine my situation or my daughter’s because she really had no background in ADHD. So that is when I bought her a book on girls with ADHD. It may not have helped my situation with my daughter as it was the end of the school year, but if that little info could help that teacher with future students, it was worth it.
So now I have been wordy, but I wanted to make sure my answers were complete and clear and hopefully helpful.
Good luck in your journey with your daughter.
Amy
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Permalink Reply by Ellen on -
I have two ADHD kids and my husband and I are both ADHD. It is a constant struggle with the school, my kids are always forgetting to bring home the book they need or paper for homework. The teachers are well aware of our ADHD struggles and yet they refuse to help make sure the proper books & papers make it home. They feel it is our kid's responsiblity and then they get MAD and bench them at recess for not doing all the homework. They have benched the kids because "we" the parents forgot to sign and return some paper. We keep fighting with the school. We have told them in the IEP that under no circumstance are they ever to bench them again. They need to run around at recess. They are brilliant, funny and we adore them just as they are.
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Permalink Reply by Margaret on
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You need to have your pediatrician or child psych help you out with this. It needs to be made clear to the school that as children with ADD, your children have a disablity; as part of their disability, they have difficulty getting themselves organized and remembering things. The school does not have to do it for them, but they do need to double check that they have written their homework in their planners, and that they have everything with them that they need when they leave the building. This is not a difficult accomadation for the school to make. You can tell the school that you will be responsible for helping the kids get homework done AS LONG AS THE ASSIGNMENTS COME HOME WRITTEN IN THE PLANNER, AND ALL NECESSARY BOOKS, PAPERS, ETC COME HOME AS WELL. Whoever checks the child's backpack and planner needs to sign the planner, then you sign the planner once you have checked the homework and made sure everything goes back in the backpack.
Ellen said:I have two ADHD kids and my husband and I are both ADHD. It is a constant struggle with the school, my kids are always forgetting to bring home the book they need or paper for homework. The teachers are well aware of our ADHD struggles and yet they refuse to help make sure the proper books & papers make it home. They feel it is our kid's responsiblity and then they get MAD and bench them at recess for not doing all the homework. They have benched the kids because "we" the parents forgot to sign and return some paper. We keep fighting with the school. We have told them in the IEP that under no circumstance are they ever to bench them again. They need to run around at recess. They are brilliant, funny and we adore them just as they are.
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