I must do this breifly as I have an appoitment in 30 minutes! First of all, I am so happy I found this site! I find comfort in knowing that there are other people, especially women and mothers that I can relate too. Especially because for a long part of my life, I thought I stood all alone in my crazy head!
I am in need of some help and would greatly appreciate any suggestions. Maybe you've been there? I grew up with a father who constantly put me down and never gave me the time of day. He was heartless at times and an alchoholic.
Anyways, I am in my late twenties and have a 4 y/o daughter. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and am not receiving any treatment for it. I was also diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety and was given medication for it which made me feel terrible. My doc wanted me to continue with the meds because he wanted to treat the depression before treating the ADHD. I felt like I wasn't depressed all the time so why should I take medication for depression I stopped seeing the doctor and have yet to resolve or treat my ADHD.
Moving on, I believe my daughter has ADHD as well and has a very hard time in concentrating on her studies. She can go for days and days with playing with her toys. I've tried to make learning fun and creative but her mind constantly wonders and it can take hours just to complete one or two things. In turn I get so frustrated because my inability to focus factors in too. It's like the blind leading the blind. I hate even saying this but I know it's true. When I get frustrated at my daughter, my father comes out. I say and treat her in a way that sometimes isn't appropriate for a anyone, especially a child who I know isn't at fault. It's like my father passed down his anger/problems to me and now i'm passing it on to my daughter. I don't want to....I want it to stop at me.
Is there any mechanism/advice that anyone has for me? I get frustrated when I tell my daughter more than 3 times to do anything and she doesn't listen. I get frustrated when she cannot focuss or pay attention. I get frustrated at myself for not being more understanding because I of all people can relate to her. I guess another part of it is growing up I hated my own ADD traits, and seeing it in my daughter brakes my heart. Any advice. I want to help her because even though she has not been clinically diagnosed, I know she has what I have. And being someone who recongnizes that, and especially being her mother, I want to help her as much as I can but I don't know how. I want to stop being my father and start being her mother who loves her unconditionally and is patient with her.
P.S. I'm late for my appointment! lol
I'd encourage you to get your ADHD treated, make it a serious priority, like the oxygen mask when you're on a plane. The best way you can parent is to get yourself feeling good, number one. find a doctor who truly understands women with ADHD, anxiety and depression. They often go together, and respond to hormonal changes. You've got some good insight, seriously, observing that you're not always depressed. And dealing with inattention and memory deficits is stressful which can exacerbate anxiety and depression, so it's important to get a doc who has experience separating out these pieces. It is possible, though. If you need help finding a provider ask Terry, you can write her directly here. There are national organizations that have referrals of experts in these issues, they can help you find help for yourself and your daughter.
I have "my angry father" inside me, too. The right medication makes parenting a whole different experience, and I've had two children with ADHD. You sound like a loving, insightful mother. Take good care and start with you~