Frustration

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Permalink Reply by Michele L on February 18, 2010 at 2:58pm

As far as the panic attack, it was really weird and from what I read about panic attacks it did not sound like the same thing. I had this happen a couple years ago and ended up going to the H during an attack because I did not know what was happening. The ER doc said that it was probably due to the med increase I had started a few weeks earlier. So I went down on the med (effexor) and it never came back until about a month or so ago. I really liked the effexor but the lower dose was not enough so that is when I started lexapro I wasn't on it for very long before I knew It wasn't working for me. I just felt very flat, no happy, no sad, just bleh. That is when I switched to wellbutrin and it was during the weaning process that I knew I still needed the 10 of Lex. I was on that for a while before I started treatment for ADD with ritalin. That didn't work for very long and then I switched to Adderall xr and was on that for about a year until I talked to my new doc about Vyvanse and I love it. I keep ending up with the problem of being over-medicated which can be worse (for me) than the actual s*(%t i'm being treated for. It's like a never ending cycle of which came first "the chicken or the egg" with these stupid drugs you know. Constantly being aware of how your feeling mentally and physically your behavior and whats causing what. Is it the drugs not working, is it not enough, is it too much, is it even the right drug???? Going through that all the time with every med change is enough to drive you crazy in itself! I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore, who am I supposed to be, whats normal, what should I feel, and not feel and what exactly is this current drug supposed to do for me or not do for me?? "workin nine to five, what a way to make a livin', workin nine to five, its all takin and no givin' blah blah blah blah blah....it's enough to drive you crazy if you let it.....blah blah blah". Thats what popped into my head after writing the previous sentence, probably because it is enough to just drive you/me/us crazy. Thanks ADD!! wink, wink.....
Have I even gotten to the point of answering your questions yet...? Ok...ok ..i got it ? # 1. Panic symptoms: I started to feel kinda "not right" here and there over the course of a couple weeks or more and I start to feel like I have to take a deeeeeep breath just randomly starts off at maybe once a day and increases in frequency over a couple weeks. There weren't any changes in my life or me it just comes on randomly without reason. At some point the breathing thing just comes and does not stop, im not hyperventilating, just have to take deep breaths feeling like i can not get enough air (which i learned is a form of hyperventilating). Then my face starts to get tingly and my hands start to tingle and start to kind of "lock-up". Then I cry a little cause im scared but not panicked. Then I took a very very mild muscle relaxer and it went away. BTW-i was just putting away laundry. The next day it started to come on again, but after about 45 mins I was able to relax myself before it progressed. Then it came on again about an hour later and got really bad, the worst I have had. Breathing, tingling in hands and face and got to the point that my face "locked up". I don't know how to explain/describe it, I guess its like a muscle spasm that just locks in place and you can't stop it. My face around my mouth gets really tight and I can't like open my mouth, kinda like im trying to whistle but stuck and then my hands totally cramp up and lock (and I can not use them), not in a fist but like squeezing all my fingers together and then it went into my arms and then it started to get painful like the muscles were tight and locked, but still trying to spasm. My brother got me a muscle relaxer and had to put it in my mouth and drank thru a straw to get it down. My body slowly started to relax within 10 mins or so but takes a while to totally get back to normal and then my fingers twitch for a while. Right after I took the m/r my brother threw the kids in the van and we drove to my family doc with my husband meeting us there. I didn't even call them I just showed up. My doc was super about it and thank God, because there was no way I was going to the ER. So after a cat scan of my lungs and heart, and a scrip for ativan I was set-up to meet w/ my psych doc on Monday. My husband went with and I explained what happend and he said panic. We also discussed w/ him my anger and irritability/frustration. He said that both the wellbutrin and the vyvanse can cause irritability so went down on the wellbutrin from 300 to 150 and was at 10 of Lex and he added lamictal for the anger/mood, which you already read about that experience. I was already scheduled to meet w/ my doc for a check-up on the lamictal for Friday-two weeks ago tomorrow, but embarrasingly, I slept thru my appt because of all the damn sleepmeds/muscle relaxers. That day I stopped taking the lamictal. In addition to the sleep issues i was feeling like crap and really down, just not good and irritable. I didnt see any point in doubling the meds because I would probably need a horse tranquilizer to sleep. So when I saw doc on Monday we talked about some different meds, but wanted to wait a couple weeks and see how I would do on my original cocktail at a lowered dose. I told him I would know within a week if it was going to work and he said to just give him a call if it wasn't and I could start with a sample pack of abilify which he told me works well for depression and anger. That sounded good to me. So I have researched it (webmd) and it seems that a lot of people are having great success with it and of course there are always people that don't. The biggest complaints were not sleeping and some gained weight, alot, and quickly. That is what terrifies me. However it seemed that the people that were taking it in conjunction with an anitidepressant had better results. Several even called it a miracle. I have been looking at topamax too. So anyway, like I wrote before, I have been feeling depressed and getting worse daily since Monday. I can not go on like this and am so sick of this med thing. I just want to be happy and enjoy my life and everything we have been blessed with and just be the best me I can.
Question #2: Before the med change I was feeling "pretty good" but not satisfied. I know me, and I know when im on top and I know when I am down. I wasn't experiencing depression symptoms, but I was not at the level I should have been or what "I thought" I should be. I have always had the anger and extreme frustration (even on meds) that at times is enough to drive me over the edge, like shavin' my hair off like britney spears. I have certain triggers, and it depends on my mood as to how I react. My biggest problem/trigger is my sweet little ones. And it is really not their fault, because I have never disciplined them like I should have because I can't stick with anything. I can start, but eventually fail. They get disciplined, but unfortunately it is just not consistant nor the method or the rules and those things are key in proper discipline and creating boundries. Just another thing I suck at, so they drive me crazy and don't listen to a thing I say. There is a lot of yelling and chaos. I just need to get it together and I feel like I never will. So here I am in the endless cycle hoping to find "THE ONE" that will bring it all together for me. For me, the amount of sleep I get really effects my level of patience, irritation and frustration/anger on a regular basis. But nothing is "normal" for me right now especially sleep. I mean, good golly what am I going to have to do to get my sleeping back on schedule? Heroin? AAAGGGAGGGgggghhhhhhh!!!!!!! I HATE THIS!!!!!
Well now I have to rip myself from the house to go get my boys. Please feel free to ask me anything, I am an open book for you all especially if it helps someone else. I hope I answered your questions in some way. I really look forward to building relationships here, especially for the times I feel so alone.

cite>Christine said:

Wow!! We all are having the same feelings of frustration! I wonder if it is due to the inability to be what and who we know we can be? The trying out different meds does make it sooo much worse, though. What were your symptoms that were like a panic attack? How were you feeling before the med switch? I have never tried abilify but have heard good things about it. I always thought my inertia was due to depression, but it was actually caused by the ADHD. The more productive and calm I was, the better I felt. It is that productive calmness that seems so elusive...

Michele L said:

Hi Ladies!
I am new here, just joined today and I can't tell you all how refreshing and sad it is. Refreshing knowing that I am not alone, but sad to hear that we are all struggling so. I also struggle with terrible frustration, irritability, anger and depression. I was on a pretty good combination of wellbutrin 300, Lexapro 20, and vyvanse 60, and about 100mg of trazadone for sleep until about a month and a half ago. I started having what my dr. belived was panic attacks, but I was not panicky about anything when they would come on, just doing regular stuff. Anyway, my doc had me go down on the wellbutrin to 150, lexapro to 10 and vyvanse the same but added Lamictal. I was starting off with 10mg (i believe) for two weeks and then doubling. I didn't even make it to a week and a half w/ the Lamictal. I felt awful on that stuff. and for Erica; it messed my sleep up so bad that I am still trying to recover and I stopped taking it about 2 weeks ago. I had to double the amount of trazadone I was using 250 and 300 is the max. it got to the point that I was adding muscle relaxers to get to bed before 2am. Needless to say I was not productive during the day waking up at 11 and later and then feeling like crap the rest of the time. Plus when I did sleep, I was sleeping 10-12 hrs a night. And then I was becoming depressed because I felt like such a turd for not getting anything done and for sleeping half the day like a lazy bum. Thankfully, my little brother is living w/ me right now so he helped me tremendously w/ the kids and was getting my boys ready for school in the am and driving them. So now the depression is getting worse, still not getting anything done and still having to take 250mg of traz that isn't even working. I feel so overwhelmed and depressed. I feel like such a looser all the time sinking deeper. I'm so tired of this battle and just want to feel normal, whatever that is. I have this constant feeling that I'm never going to get it together. I feel like a horrible, horrible inadequate mother and wife and just want to go hide in my closet. I am considering trying Abilify, which I have been reading about and some great results. But of course, I am not hopeful and terrified of gaining weight. In the past year and a half or more I lost about 70 lbs. I was way overweight after having my 3rd baby, but after starting Wellbutrin it really helped get my eating under control and then starting w/ the stimulants it kicked into high gear which most of you already know. Anyway, I don't even know how I got onto all that. I just wanted to add my 1cent about the lamictal, oh and it can cause a dangerous rash on the face so Erica, you may want to look into that. Sorry to be such a downer/whiner, I do hope to be happy soon and be more help. If anyone knows anything about Abilify, could you let me know please?
God Bless

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