feelings of being percieved by others as dishonest/awful?
I was curious if anyone else has this as a part of their ADD/ADHD symptoms?
I always feel like people believe me to be untruthful with what I say or somehow acting in a manner lacking in integrity and general "goodness". ( sorry, im struggling with medication changes and in a terribly inarticulate moment!).
When I sit down and trully think about who I am, I believe I am a good person who is not deceptive or dishonest....however I always have this dark cloud over me feeling like I have to change peoples mind about what a dishonest and nasty person I am! Its so bizarre and hard to put into words. But I can remember reading something in my researchings that this is often an ADD factor, so I was curious as to others experiences with this side effect.
Again, my apologies for such a hard to read post! Cant wait for holiday season to end so I can get in touch with my Dr to undo the medication changes!! Grr!
Happy new year all :)
I always feel like people believe me to be untruthful with what I say or somehow acting in a manner lacking in integrity and general "goodness". ( sorry, im struggling with medication changes and in a terribly inarticulate moment!).
When I sit down and trully think about who I am, I believe I am a good person who is not deceptive or dishonest....however I always have this dark cloud over me feeling like I have to change peoples mind about what a dishonest and nasty person I am! Its so bizarre and hard to put into words. But I can remember reading something in my researchings that this is often an ADD factor, so I was curious as to others experiences with this side effect.
Again, my apologies for such a hard to read post! Cant wait for holiday season to end so I can get in touch with my Dr to undo the medication changes!! Grr!
Happy new year all :)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Robin on -
Yes, I have dealt with something similar and I do attribute it to my ADD. For me, it is a feeling that I have "done something wrong" or "offended" someone that comes completely out of the blue, I will not have even have had an interaction with someone and this feeling will come up, out of the blue. One day my 14 yr old ADHD son told me he was feeling something similar. I had never shared with him that I felt this way from time to time. He and I are both ADD/ADHD with anxiety. I dont know if the anxiety is part of it, but maybe. Comepletely apart from this feeling is general insecurity that probably a lot of ADD/ADHD people struggle with. Poor self-image, inability to communicate clearly at all times (especially when I can't pull the word I want out of my brain), and social awkwardness (because I cant pull that word I want out of my brain! Not to mention that I forget names so easily!) and yikes, this is a volatile cocktail of emotions and perceptions. No wonder I am exhausted after a party. It's so much WORK.
By the way, when that wierd feeling comes up like I have offended someone, or done something wrong, even though the only words I have uttered all day have been to my dogs, I just try to redirect my thoughts or use positve self talk.
Hope this is comforting.
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Permalink Reply by silverwings002 on -
I have felt guilty about pretty much everything my whole life. Saying "no", not doing exactly what people asked or even what they wanted, not helping, not being there, blah blah blah. The thought of affecting someone- for good or bad- was so overwhelming as a child, I couldnt stand it. I would look guilty, I felt guilty if even someone else caused pain. Actually touching- connectin- wiht outside people. It was unfathomable. Even tho I had friends, crushes, large family, dogs, etc.
Also, when I cannot answer right away, take too long to answer, or start to say truthfully I dont know but realize something as I'm saying it, I look guilty. Or am trying to cover up, or cannot possibly be this stupid. If you dont answer right away, it aint the truth, which is funny, cuz when people put me on the spot or push me to answer right away I'm more apt to not answer truthfully. Only say what they wanna hear.
I tend to be suspicious of people, cuz of how they treat me, so sometimes that bites me on the butt. [They are suspicious of me.] I also am attracted to people that seem to be suspicious types. I am surrounded by family member who are suspicious and think the worst first, so I get accused fast.
On the opposite, I saw my brother -as a teen- totally wrong [I witnessed it] and still argue logically how he wasnt'. I almost believed it, he ws like a lawyer. No guilt there.
It sucks!
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Permalink Reply by Darlene Austin on
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Reading this has made a world changing event in my life. I really couldn't understand why I was percived as untruthful or deceitful by my co-workers. Away from work I am a spiritual counselor( only because people come to me, not to mention that is the only time that I am comfortable talking to people) and I have the upmost integrity. It was like a knife being stab in me when I was accused of different deciteful acts or of not being truthful. I was so stunned that I couldn't even defend myself.
So now what do we do about it?
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Permalink Reply by Karina on
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Yep feel like this a lot. My sister accuses me a lot of lying. I have a good memory (actually pretty excellent). I work in the Application Support field right now and can walk people through screens without applications up. I just think possibly our memory is just that good, and others can't understand how it can be great for certain things. But I can't remember where I parked my car today and that meeting later today. I will be late for the meeting today or super early because I have an alarm for it 1/2 hour early. Hopefully I will not be wondering around when the alarm goes off helping someone.
We are a mystery. But, don't let it get you down. Although some don't understand us. Others appropriate what we can do. You can't please everyone.
Your a Blessing
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Permalink Reply by Therese Clare on -
Yes. My husband thought that I was being passive aggressive when I would forget things. He thought that when I'd forget (a "simple' task such as) to pick up his suit at the cleaners or drop something off at the post office, it was because I must have been angry with him and that's how I'd show it. It wasn't until years later, after reading Hallowell's book, that we realized what was going on. There's still arguments sometimes though.
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Permalink Reply by Mary Beth Slattum on -
Hello !!
One of the great traits of ADHD/ADD ( I have learned to view many of my ADHD traits as more positive than negative) of is we are often very intuitive to other people. Many of us have a hightened sense of smell, feeling and touch, sounds and site. As a result I have noticed I read someone's body language or facial expressions or tone of their voice and quickly pick up there is something different or wrong.
I use to and sometimes still do, think they must be upset with me or I must have done something to them. In otherwords, my thoughts went straight to self blame. Often I would then find myself getting defensive and upset . What I have learned through lots of reading and coaching is to catch myself and say to myself , " Mary Beth, don't go there in your mind, 99% of the time it is not you " . Of course, I don't say this out loud, then they would think I was really out there (ha ha ).
This allows me to listen and watch more , often discovering as the conversation goes on that I was reading their emotions correctly ,but it had nothing to do with me. :)
If I still cannot get past the "feeling" and the person or relationship means alot to me , I have learned to ask them a question like this. " Your business or friendship means alot to me and I am probably being completely over sensitive, but I just want to be sure we are ok ."
This happened to me about 1 month ago at a resturant with a business client . I felt this "weird" feeling that night and it lasted several weeks. One day , I decided to call her and find out . I dohave to write down my script or I get very lost for words. Guess what ? Her daughter has been going through a very challenging time and she was meeting her that night . Long story short, it had nothing to do with me. The good news, our ADHD /ADD sensativity was right .
Hope this helps some. Your powerful ADHD sister , Mary Beth
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Permalink Reply by Emily on
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AMAZING post Mary Beth, thank you! Great ideas and attitude :D
Mary Beth Slattum said:Hello !!
One of the great traits of ADHD/ADD ( I have learned to view many of my ADHD traits as more positive than negative) of is we are often very intuitive to other people. Many of us have a hightened sense of smell, feeling and touch, sounds and site. As a result I have noticed I read someone's body language or facial expressions or tone of their voice and quickly pick up there is something different or wrong.
I use to and sometimes still do, think they must be upset with me or I must have done something to them. In otherwords, my thoughts went straight to self blame. Often I would then find myself getting defensive and upset . What I have learned through lots of reading and coaching is to catch myself and say to myself , " Mary Beth, don't go there in your mind, 99% of the time it is not you " . Of course, I don't say this out loud, then they would think I was really out there (ha ha ).
This allows me to listen and watch more , often discovering as the conversation goes on that I was reading their emotions correctly ,but it had nothing to do with me. :)
If I still cannot get past the "feeling" and the person or relationship means alot to me , I have learned to ask them a question like this. " Your business or friendship means alot to me and I am probably being completely over sensitive, but I just want to be sure we are ok ."
This happened to me about 1 month ago at a resturant with a business client . I felt this "weird" feeling that night and it lasted several weeks. One day , I decided to call her and find out . I dohave to write down my script or I get very lost for words. Guess what ? Her daughter has been going through a very challenging time and she was meeting her that night . Long story short, it had nothing to do with me. The good news, our ADHD /ADD sensativity was right .
Hope this helps some. Your powerful ADHD sister , Mary Beth
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