ADHD Mom Trying to Fight the system.

I have a 13 year old son who was diagnosed ADHD at 7. He was on medication from 2nd grade till 5th grade. As he started to "change" the medication was no longer working and he began to have adult side affects that were not tollerable.
Anyway....the system is the school. He has been on an IEP since 3rd grade and has received stellar care..(with his mommy advocate right there to push for it) but now he is in Jr. High and as of tomorrow I will be on my 4th meetin since August. I am amazed at how the one teacher with the most problem with him is his resource teacher. I am just wondering in anyone can give me any advice on how to approach what seems so simple to me. Plus when I get in the room I feel like I am in trouble. I am a mom with ADHD and let me tell you teachers and administration scare me a bit. Just looking for a little back up!!

Tags: ADHD, Help, High, IEP, Jr., Learning, Teachers

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Permalink Reply by Margaret on April 5, 2010 at 4:26pm

SUSANNE J said:

these are the people that are supposed to understand and help us help our kids!! i just dont get it.>>

These people only understand what they read in the medical journals, newspapers, or hear from other resources. I will tell you what they do not get.....they have no clue what it is like to live with it day in and day out. This is no different than a man obstetrician telling me labor is not that painful and you can do this. Excuse me, how would he know...he has never birthed a child.
Because this disorder is invisible, they can not replicate a day or two in our shoes. Such as put a somebody who has no clue how to get around in a wheelchair and make him function in one to see how those requiring one feels. Now, we could loan them our children without medication and see how their day went. My point is....they are suppose to understand it because their education requires it....but reading a book and living with it can not compare.
Just my 2cents for the day.

Hmm....as one of "these people" I thought perhaps I would reply. I don't "only understand what [I] read in medical journals". I also know what patients and families tell me every single day. I know what I observe, every single day. And, oh, by they way, did I mention that I have ADD? Yep, that too. Did I also mention that I do not, ever, accept from my child patients "I have ADD" as an excuse as to why they are getting into trouble at school, or why they are not getting the best grades they can, or why they are getting into trouble at home?
"Yes, you do have AD/HD. That makes some things in life more challenging, and generally makes life a lot more fun. But it has nothing to do with why you are refusing to do your homework, being disrespectful to your teacher, rude to your Mom and having tantrums at home. Try again."
"But my teacher is mean to me! I try and try to sit still, and I can't, and then I get in trouble. I have ADHD. I can't sit still. And I can't focus on my homework. It's stupid homework anyway. We shouldn't have to do homework. I hate it!"
"Okay, so you can't sit still, and you can't focus when you do your homework after supper."
"Yeah". "But you could 4 months ago" "Yeah" "Are you still taking your meds?" "Yeah, everyday." "Well, you've grown quite a lot, and maybe you need a higher dose."

And so it goes.The questions are not to make anyone feel small. The questions are to help solve PROBLEMS. The PROBLEM is not that someone has AD/HD. The PROBLEM is surviving in a world set up by and designed for non-ADHD people.

And "these people" as you are pleased to call us, are here to try to help you solve a lot of those problems. We don't have to have experienced them all ourselves to help others. Yes, we do have some book knowlege about them. We also have a lot of experience and empathy. Just like that "man obstetrician' you mentioned who will get out of bed in the middle of the night when you are not sure whether or not you are in premature labour to come in to the hospital to check and make sure,and one of "these people" who would be the pediatrician who would come in in the middle of the night to save your premature baby if you were in labour, and the labour nurse - another of "these people" -who would help you through labour, and the nursery nurse, again, one of "these people"- who would help you through learning about your prem baby. But really, all any of them know is what they read in medical journals, right?

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Permalink Reply by chocoholic on April 27, 2010 at 1:01am

Learning how to navigate the system takes time and work, but if you can learn to navigate, it means you'll have to fight less.

By navigate, I mean basically finding the person or people in the school who will actually be of help to you in advocating for your child. The person who'll be the most helpful is not always who you'd expect. Job titles don't mean much unless the people behind them are caring and supportive.

For my daughter, one year our best advocate at school was her classroom teacher. Through Jr. High, it's been her gifted ed teacher. For my son, who doesn't have ADD but does have other learning issues, for several years running our best advocate was his speech teacher. Now I'd say it's his classroom teacher. Next year our daughter goes to high school, and I'm getting nervous and antsy, knowing it's time to get to know the people in a new system again, and praying that at least one key person will be there to help look out for her!

I've been thinking lately too about how much stress and duress our teachers nationwide are experiencing. Lost funding, job cuts, etc. are not helping them help our kids one bit. This has to be wearing on even the most caring and supportive of teachers. But, it means we parents have to be all the more diligent in making sure our kids get what they need.

ADHD Mom Trying to Fight the system.

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