ADHD Mom Trying to Fight the system.

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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on January 19, 2010 at 2:56pm

Hi Melissa! Im sorry I dont have any advice to offer with this, but I am interested in hearing what others have to say because I am going through a similar issue with my son, who just started Jr. High this year. He was just diagnosed with ADHD/Asperger's a couple of weeks ago and has just started medication and it seems to be helping somewhat but we have had LOTS of problems in Jr. High so far that were non-existant in elementary school. I totally agree with you with being afraid of the teachers/administration...I have the same issue and am also ADHD/bipolar so the doctors scare the mess out of me too! Good luck to both of you and I hope someone comes along with some great advice for you (and me too!)

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Permalink Reply by Gwen Haggis on January 19, 2010 at 7:39pm

Dear Melissa,

My heart goes out to you and your son. I have a few suggestions for you. A few school districts I have lived in have a special education alliance or parent advocacy group. You could try contacting your local school district to see if one exists in your area. It may take a few phone calls on your part, but don't give up. If you search the internet, you may find an educational consultant in your area. However, this can be costly. If you go that route, ask a lot of questions to make sure they have a good working knowledge about what ADHD is. Sometimes there are lawyers that specialize in the rights of individuals with disabilities and have knowledge about 504 and IEP plans. I've never gone down that road, so I don't specifically know how to guide you there. I have 2 sons with ADHD and other issues such as anxiety and ODD. Even though they both have ADHD, they manifest very different symptoms. The best (and one of the most expensive things) we did was find a really good nueropsychologist who did a battery of tests and then offered numerous suggestions on accomodations and provided insight into the way both of the boys learn. Very helpful! If you have a local CHADD group in your area, if you ask around enough, you'll eventually get some names. Again, not sure where you live, but if your close to a University try calling the dept. of psychology for names and information too. Hope something in this e-mail helps. Hang in there.

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Permalink Reply by Terry Matlen on January 19, 2010 at 9:49pm

Melissa,

I agree with the suggestions you got here. You need to know exactly what your son's difficulties are so that you can go into the school and request *appropriate* services for him. Consulting with a neuropsychologist is an excellent way to find out what is going on with him. In fact, if he's had psych/academic testing at school and you disagree with their findings, you can ask the school to pay for an independant educational evaluation.

Check to see if there is a CHADD chapter in your area; they could help you with all of this.

But do not let the school scare you! You are speaking up on behalf of your son, as his advocate. You just need more data/information so you know what to ask for.

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Permalink Reply by ADDSarah on January 20, 2010 at 5:03pm

Hi Melissa,

Good luck to you! It's so frustrating to have multiple IEP meetings ... is the IEP appropriate and is it being followed? Does he need new accommodations because of changing medication or his changing body? It is sooooo frustrating when the resource teacher is resistant to the IEP needs.

It's always best to make sure the IEP and goals are specific ... for example, if he has a goal of organization, make a goal that he "writes down his assignments 90% of the time." (or something specific for what your child needs, of course!). And chart progress toward these goals. And an IEP can't have too many goals, if they are things the child needs to improve!

I'm sure you know of many resources, but my favorite on-line is http://www.wrightslaw.com. LOTS of good advice!

Don't let the teachers or administration scare you. Approach with the attitude that they want to enjoy working with you and your son, and are there to help him grow. Advocating for your child works best when parents and teachers collaborate!

Hope it goes well. Feel free to message me if you have more questions; I really enjoy helping parents with advocacy for their kids.

Sarah
St. Louis, MO

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Permalink Reply by Cami on February 22, 2010 at 10:37pm

ADDSarah said:

Hi Melissa,

Good luck to you! It's so frustrating to have multiple IEP meetings ... is the IEP appropriate and is it being followed? Does he need new accommodations because of changing medication or his changing body? It is sooooo frustrating when the resource teacher is resistant to the IEP needs.

It's always best to make sure the IEP and goals are specific ... for example, if he has a goal of organization, make a goal that he "writes down his assignments 90% of the time." (or something specific for what your child needs, of course!). And chart progress toward these goals. And an IEP can't have too many goals, if they are things the child needs to improve!

I'm sure you know of many resources, but my favorite on-line is http://www.wrightslaw.com. LOTS of good advice!

Don't let the teachers or administration scare you. Approach with the attitude that they want to enjoy working with you and your son, and are there to help him grow. Advocating for your child works best when parents and teachers collaborate!

Hope it goes well. Feel free to message me if you have more questions; I really enjoy helping parents with advocacy for their kids.

Sarah
St. Louis, MO

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Permalink Reply by Cami on February 22, 2010 at 10:53pm

Hi Melissa,
When I read your post I could feel the little short-hairs on the back of my neck stand on end... my heart began to race and I could feel anger rising. The battles I have during these past two years w/ the Jr. High school are mind-boggeling. Let me share with you know what I did not know in the beginning: The school will act in it's own best interest -- remember that with EVERY interaction. Do not merely accept what they have to offer, or even believe what they claim is "a fact". RESEARCH everything on your own. There was one point where the school claimed that if I did not agree to some condition, that my sons IEP would be taken away! (that was the moment that MamaBearAdvocate was born). Think about your son and what he needs to be successful and hold your ground. Read up on IDEA and FAPE and understand how they apply to your son. This one thing I know: The Battle Had Made Me Stronger. Good Luck

Cami said:

ADDSarah said:

Hi Melissa,

Good luck to you! It's so frustrating to have multiple IEP meetings ... is the IEP appropriate and is it being followed? Does he need new accommodations because of changing medication or his changing body? It is sooooo frustrating when the resource teacher is resistant to the IEP needs.

It's always best to make sure the IEP and goals are specific ... for example, if he has a goal of organization, make a goal that he "writes down his assignments 90% of the time." (or something specific for what your child needs, of course!). And chart progress toward these goals. And an IEP can't have too many goals, if they are things the child needs to improve!

I'm sure you know of many resources, but my favorite on-line is http://www.wrightslaw.com. LOTS of good advice!

Don't let the teachers or administration scare you. Approach with the attitude that they want to enjoy working with you and your son, and are there to help him grow. Advocating for your child works best when parents and teachers collaborate!

Hope it goes well. Feel free to message me if you have more questions; I really enjoy helping parents with advocacy for their kids.

Sarah
St. Louis, MO

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Permalink Reply by Melissa Montanez on February 23, 2010 at 1:28pm

Well just a little update. We had our meeting and came up with some new strategies. Unfortunatley we are on a year round school track and he only implemented them for about 2 weeks. He goes back on the 1s of March and we will see how it goes. He did come home with all A's & B's this last trimester, but definatley because of continued support at home and the school. He is going to be re-evaluated as a standard procedure for his Tri-annual to re-determine his needs. This one really scares me because with the horrible position our district (and the state for that matter) is in with money I am sure they are trying to push out as many kids from the programs as possible. We shall see how that goes.

Thanks so much for all the comments and advice. I have worked very hard over the past 6 years pushing for him to get what he needs to succeed. So far I have pushed enough...but I am always worried I will be one step behind. I am really thinking of pushing for a ADD Coach. Not sure the district has one...but definatley something I know he would benefit from before he goes into High School. He has one more year of Jr. High. I am sure next year will be an even bigger hurdle, they have decided to change our district back to a traditional calendar...so no more breaks for us ADD mom's and kids.

Melissa
Corona, CA.

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Permalink Reply by SUSANNE J on March 16, 2010 at 12:07am

I just became a new member and hope my late reply will still give some help. Reading your message, I found myself on memory lane. What I have learned and I hope everyone beginning this adventure, YOU ARE THE PARENT. YOU ARE THE BOSS. Not the doctors, Not the teachers, Not the government, Not even us, NOBODY has the last call except YOU.
Not one of the people above live with your child 24/7. YOU DO. Only YOU know how you want your child to be raised, how you want him to behave, or what you want him to eat. Only YOU know your child the best. I believe in Mother's instincts, if something doesn't seem right....go with that hunch and look for more ideas, suggestions, and insight.
Personally, I have three children now adults [23, 21, & 17]. The choice to have each one, carry them for nine months, care for their every need prior to school for complete strangers to tell me they know better than I. Granted their education, advice, understanding is necessary. Obtaining experts is necessary for us to learn but I believe whatever is learned can be perfected better.
Being ADHD myself, I could go on forever. However, I appreciate all the people who are out there to help our children and I take their advice seriously and remind them how much it means to know I am not alone. However, this disorder is still mystery and a challenge to figure out. The feeling like I am in trouble is an every single day event. Instead of feeling like you are in trouble, go in knowing they simply do not understand and if time provides explain. I promise you if you educate people on this disorder, you will receive more respect and the understanding to your approach.

God Bless,
Susanne

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Permalink Reply by gina on March 17, 2010 at 6:45am

mellissa,
as and add mom of a 7th grade add girl and sister of an adhd mom with 4 adhd boys (all in which are sever cases) i want to tell you stand your ground, get an advocate, and dont give up... education on his disorder will empower you.. i also have had the feeling of belittlement when it comes to drs and school administration.. every time i leave either places i feel like they make me feel 2 feet tall..its not right and very hurtful when my daughter doc wants to know why i cant remember to giv my daughter her meds....r u kidding i barely remember mine or to remind my kids to take there lunch ect.. these are the people that are supposed to understand and help us help our kids!! i just dont get it. but i do know i will fight every step of the way to ensure my daughter gets a fighting chance at an education.. i owe her that.. mabey thats what keeps us going. i know for myself having the same disorder never had andyone in my court. i was the daydreamer..my daughter wont be the wall flower. believe in what your doing and the rest will happen. just the fact that you reached out on this website makes you a better mom, follow your hunches and stay strong.
good luck

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Permalink Reply by Meegan Peebles on March 18, 2010 at 11:24am

Well since I was having the same problem with my daughters school just recently. It has truly been an uphill battle! You have to keep the faith but also be active in that faith. Sometimes you have to go above and beyond. I have a little different story but it can be helpful all the same. My daughter attends a school in the Urban area and what seems to be the problem in our school district is that unfortunately a number of Minority children were being classified vs their counterparts. The problem I had with them is what does this have to do with my child? I have been fighting with them for 2 years almost 3 mind you the school year is coming to a close in june right? Right around the corner. So I finally couldnt take it anymore and mind you I had been waiting for these same ppl to tell me what to do. I met with a woman who happened to be the social worker for the school and we spoke in the prior years and she told me basically she was told not to inform the parents! She finally told me I needed to get my child diagnosed. I too was recently diagnosed so I got my diagnosis in December of 2009 began medication the same week and she was diagnosed in February 2010. She has been on 15 mg of ritalin and I am on 60mg of strattera this is way better than the 40 mg for me. We are now both on Medication and seeing some improvement! I went to the State of NJ and finally asked them what did I need to do! I also met with the Vice Principal. You have to find someone that believes in you advocating for your son as much as you do. The VP of the school has definitely played a pivotal role in taking responsibility and making sure she gets what she needs. The Principal however needs to lose her job but thats another story for another day!

My daughter will be tested by The Special Education Dept on her Bday 3/24/2010 and hopefully we can start and IEP plan ASAP. I know then that my daughter will get what she needs to be successful and because I am her number #1 supporter and Advocate. No one and nobody can stop "You" Mom when you are on a Mission!!!!

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Permalink Reply by SUSANNE J on March 19, 2010 at 5:17am

these are the people that are supposed to understand and help us help our kids!! i just dont get it.>>

These people only understand what they read in the medical journals, newspapers, or hear from other resources. I will tell you what they do not get.....they have no clue what it is like to live with it day in and day out. This is no different than a man obstetrician telling me labor is not that painful and you can do this. Excuse me, how would he know...he has never birthed a child.
Because this disorder is invisible, they can not replicate a day or two in our shoes. Such as put a somebody who has no clue how to get around in a wheelchair and make him function in one to see how those requiring one feels. Now, we could loan them our children without medication and see how their day went. My point is....they are suppose to understand it because their education requires it....but reading a book and living with it can not compare.
Just my 2cents for the day.

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Permalink Reply by Angie on April 1, 2010 at 3:13am

I too have issues with my daughter's high school counselor- we are just now in the process of getting her an IEP- the initial request was met with condescending resistance. I think when administration has to deal with symptoms and side effects, they fall apart a bit and may be guilty of mission statement amnesia. My most effective means of dealing with her counselor has been to choose my words carefully, and repeat what is being said at least a couple of times through out the conversation. Persistence is good, too. Kill them with kindness but be direct. Go in with a list, a pen, and not too many things to have to carry or sort through. Take notes on your list, follow up meetings with a phone call. Don't procrastinate with any work you have to do involving your son's case- that gives them a reason to look over their glasses at you. I've also made nice with the one vice principal that gets things done and looks out for kids with issues. He's been beneficial but I've had to go to the school board to 'verify' policies as well as to make a formal complaint. We'll see what happens next.

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